Dealing with difficult feelings

It is important to acknowledge that experiencing a wide range of emotions is a part of being human. Happiness, frustration, excitement, sadness, anger and other emotions are all normal and part of life.

It is not realistic to feel happy all the time. It is important that we do not judge ourselves for having unpleasant emotions as these are simply a part of being human. Rather than trying to get rid of certain emotions when they arise, with practice we can learn to accept all of the emotions we experience and respond to them in appropriate ways. Developing greater emotional awareness and an understanding of how and when it is appropriate to express our emotions can empower us to deal with our feelings more effectively.

What can you do if you’re feeling down?

Recognise that you’re not in good form

In practice it’s not always that easy to recognise when we’re feeling down. Often we can avoid difficult feelings or deny how we’re feeling. We may try to mask difficult feelings to ourselves and others by ‘putting on a brave face’. Often if we’re not feeling great we make comparisons with others and judge ourselves more harshly. It is important to move away from comparisons and blaming yourself so you can think more clearly about what you might need in this moment. Acknowledging how you are feeling and reminding yourself that all emotions are normal is a positive step towards taking care of yourself properly when you need it the most.

Sometimes we can get caught up in thinking about our feelings and get stuck in our heads. One helpful way to recognise and feel your emotions is using the RAIN acronym, Recognise, Allow, Investigate and Nurture coined by Tara Brach. This can be a helpful way to pause and work through what we are feeling in that moment. You can use a guided meditation like this one, to walk you through the process. If we’re not used to pausing and paying attention to our emotions this might feel difficult, try to be gentle with yourself and remember that changing the way we react to our emotions takes time and practice.

All of us have clues which indicate when we need to slow down.

KNOW YOUR CLUES

LISTEN TO YOUR CLUES

Everyone has ups and downs, these are part of life. Research also shows that negative body image can lead to low mood and vice versa. If we’re feeling down, we might be more likely to compare ourselves to others and feel we are not ‘good enough’, we may find day-to-day tasks more challenging or we may find that we are not thinking clearly or sleeping well. Our tendency may be to become frustrated or annoyed and to push ourselves harder, this is not helpful and may lead us to feeling worse overall.

A more helpful response is to become aware of the clues that you are not in good form and to make a conscious choice to go easy on yourself at this time. Consider how you could be kinder to yourself and take time to acknowledge your strengths, perhaps considering the pressures which may have led to your current mood. Try to show yourself the same kindness you would extend to a good friend, allow yourself to slow down so you can consider the steps you need to take to look after yourself properly and give yourself some much needed self-care at this time.

Young people describe their clues

“I’m not usually easily annoyed but if I’m not in good form lots of things start to get on my nerves.”

“I don’t feel like being around people, I don’t feel like answering my phone or speaking to anybody.”

“I stop doing stuff I enjoy – I don’t really feel like going to my usual activities”

What happens if we don’t pay attention to our clues?

If we don’t pay attention to these clues, things can start to get on top of us. We can begin to feel quite badly about ourselves and our mental health can start to suffer.

“It gets much harder to pick yourself back up”

“I go further down that road and feel worse and worse”

“If I don’t notice the early signs like being hard on myself or not enjoying things and keep pushing myself then suddenly I won’t be sleeping well, normal things become difficult. A day of Netflix or slowing down when I need it really helps”

Simone Biles withdrew from the 2020 Tokyo Olympics saying -  “I have to focus on my mental health. I just think mental health is more prevalent in sports right now.” After spending time prioritizing her mental health she won four medals in the 2024 Paris Olympics.

Consider a few options to help you feel better

The same thing doesn’t work all the time. One day the perfect thing might be to have a chat to a friend and another day that might be just the last thing you need! It’s helpful to have a few different options. Take some time to think about the different things that help you when you’re feeling down, jot them down on a piece of paper and keep it somewhere handy. If you’re feeling overwhelmed it can be hard to remember what helps and having a list of options, almost like a menu to choose from, can be helpful.

“Just going for a walk can really clear my head”

“Being around a good friend can often lift me out of that mood”

“Giving myself a chance to rest, and making a choice to go easy on myself really helps”

“Time in nature always gives me a different perspective”

“Getting out of the house helps - sometimes even going to the shops and chatting to people can lift my mood a bit”

“Playing music or listening to music can really work for me”

Sometimes emotions can take time to pass

It is important to acknowledge that even after you do something nice for yourself, you still may be feeling low. This is OK too, sometimes emotions can take time to pass. Remind yourself that you’re not trying to get rid of the emotion but rather if you look after yourself you can let yourself feel the emotion and let it pass through.

The more you blame yourself for how you are feeling, the worse you will likely feel. So try to let go of blame and do something to look after yourself. If we’re feeling really low, it can feel nearly impossible to do the things that we know will help us and this may make us feel even more self-critical. This may be a time where reaching for help is the best thing we can do for ourselves.

Everyone needs help at times and and help with our mental health is no different. It’s good to know what’s available. No matter what your concern, there are plenty of confidential, free or low cost options to support you. If your mood is not lifting it may be helpful to talk through how you’re feeling with a professional. They can help to lift some of the weight from your shoulders and may provide you with guidance or additional options to support you too. You will find a list of websites and links below which may be helpful.

Useful Resources + links:

💻 Website: Bodywhys have a range of services to support people affected by eating disorders or related concerns.

💻 Website: Aware provides support services to individuals managing their own experience of depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, as well as to people who are concerned about a loved one. All supports are free of charge.

💻 Website: Whatever you’re going through, the Samaritans can discuss your concern. Their support services are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

💻 Website: Pieta provides free therapy to those engaging in self-harm, with suicidal ideation, or bereaved by suicide.

💻 Website: Here you will find a directory of accredited psychotherapists and counsellors in Ireland.

💻 Website: Spunout offers free, confidential support to young people through their text service.

🎥Video: Listen to this Ted talk by Kristen Neff about the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion.

💻 Website: This website has free guided exercises to practice self-compassion.