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Media & body image

Our children and teenagers are growing up in a world that is inundated with media messages telling them how to look. The standards of beauty we see in the media are narrow and inflexible. Irish teens describe wishing they could look like the slim, flawless ideal we see for women and the muscular, flawless ideal we see for men. Children are exposed to media messaging and cultural ideals of beauty more frequently and earlier than ever before and as such, body image concerns seem to be occurring earlier, often before parents might expect.

Talk to your child about the media

Encourage media literacy in children from a young age. It is even possible to speak to young children about dangers online in an age appropriate way as they encounter new technology. Small children watching YouTube videos can be made aware that sometimes videos for adults may get mixed up with the cartoons and if this happens they should let you know. You can also let children know that content online is not always real and that images, videos and articles can be posted by anyone and might not be true. As children get older and start to use social media it is important to guide them on safe internet and social media use.

Cyberbullying is one aspect of the internet and social media that it is important to talk to your child about. This form of bullying is becoming increasingly common. It is important if possible to broach the subject of cyberbullying prior to your child using social media. You will find clear guidelines on talking to your child about social media, dangers online and dealing with cyberbullying in the useful links section below.

Youth Comments:

Talk about the images we see

Remember that both boys and girls are affected by media images. Talk to children and teens about the media images they see and how limited these are compared to the variety of body shapes in real life. Teach them that what they see in the media often is not real and that the images we see are usually edited as illustrated in videos below.

Photoshop of Model:

Body image and social media

Body image and social media

Research indicates that increased time online (more than 3 hours daily) is linked to negative body image, depression and anxiety in young people. As with anything however, there are pros and cons. Demonisation of social media and the internet is not helpful in working with our children to develop healthy online behaviours and moderate time online. Realistically, all we can do is steer them towards the positive content and away from the negative influences. While it is helpful for parents to be aware of potential negative influences online it is also worth remembering the wealth of information available to young people at their fingertips; educational content along with opportunities to engage with areas of interest, to connect, learn, play and engage with the world.

So how can parents maximise the benefits of social media and the internet for their children while also minimising the potential negative effects on mental health, well-being and their developing sense of self?

ADVICE FOR PROMOTING MEDIA LITERACY IN TEENS ALREADY USING SOCIAL MEDIA

Teach your child or teenager that nobody’s life is really like what we see on social media. Encourage them to consider what we do and don’t see on social media and help them to notice that people tend to post positive content such as holidays, fun events or achievements and omit everyday, routine tasks. Explain that this can make it seem like everyone is having a fantastic time all the time which can give us a false sense of what life is really like and make us feel like our own lives are ‘not good enough’. The Social Media vs Reality video below might help to get the conversation started.

Help your child to regard social media as highlights and not real life. You could make it fun by imagining what social media would look like if people posted all the routine tasks they did each day, and consider why people don’t do this.

Youth Comment:

Encourage your child to notice how social media makes them feel

Encourage your child to tune in to how social media makes them feel. If a post makes them feel like changing themselves or makes them feel less happy with who they are, encourage them to notice that. If they feel bad every time they see a post from a particular person or page, encourage them to consider whether they really want to see these posts all the time. Although it’s not as simple as ‘don’t look’ or ‘just turn it off’ encourage them to be conscious of what they follow and how it affects them.

Encourage your child to stay mindful online

Encourage your child to tune in to the types of content they follow, how long they spend online and how it makes them feel. Advise them to check in with their mood and how they feel in their body, to consider how they use social media and the internet and how they can make their time online purposeful and minimise being distracted or clicking on unhelpful material which might make them feel bad.

Empower them to make positive online choices

It is empowering for young people to realise that they can shape their own social media experience so that their time spent online is inspiring rather than draining. Empower your child or teen to follow pages online which interest them, to review the content they follow and to ‘unfollow’ or limit exposure to content that makes them feel bad.  

Practical tips

You could encourage your teen to use settings which monitor their time on certain websites or which send reminders to put down their phone. You could also encourage them to set healthy online habits such as ensuring they have times of the day which are internet free. Suggest they keep the first and last hour of their day screen free to check in with themselves rather than checking online. Making rules to keep meal times or family activities screen free may also be helpful.

Ensure that all devices and phones are plugged in overnight in a communal area of the house to eliminate children/teens checking the internet or social media at night. Access to phones at night can disrupt sleep quality and keeping phones out of the bedroom can also give young people a much needed break from obsessive checking in the event of concerns about comments online or cyberbullying. If you notice that your child or teen seems anxious when their device is removed this may signal difficulties which you might need to discuss. You will find links below which may be helpful.

Likes!

This emphasis on appearance and external validation on social media can put a lot of pressure on body image

Encourage your child to consider what they like and promote independent thinking. We can do this from an early age by encouraging children and young people to form their own opinions, to consider what they like to wear and what they think about things and affirm the notion that we are all unique in our ‘likes’ and that this is part of what makes life interesting.

In talking about social media, many young people describe wanting to be popular, becoming focused on ‘likes’ online and this having a real influence on how they feel. This pressure to be socially accepted and celebrated can be too much to handle, and can adversely affect self esteem and body image. Posting content and waiting for ‘likes’ may leave young people dependent on external validation from others, which may negatively impact on sense of self and self-esteem. Encourage your child to develop and trust their own opinions rather than focussing on what other people think. If they find they are adversely affected or becoming obsessive about social media consider the following:

• Talk to them: If your child seems adversely affected by time online it is important to understand why. Perhaps they are comparing themselves to the unrealistic body shapes or lifestyle ideals promoted. Rather than chastising them for spending so much time online it would be helpful to open the conversation to determine if there is a particular reason. Approach the discussion gently and with consideration for how they are feeling and how you can support them in making changes to promote well-being.

• Set screen limits. Encourage them to limit their time online, to choose to go online at set times rather than “just quickly check if anything new happened” every five minutes. Encourage time limits of no more than 20 minutes per session, as the more time they spend online, the more fixated they may become.

• Stop comparisons. Remind your child that people tend to post the positives only and you are not seeing their whole life. If posting new content results in waiting for ‘likes’ or makes them more prone to comparisons, perhaps they can take a break from posting content for a while or take a break from social media. Encourage your child to realise that although it is natural to be interested in what other people think, it is also important to develop our own interests and likes and to tune in to how things make us feel rather than what other people think.

• Develop ‘Likes’ in real life: Encourage your child to find activities they enjoy and to pursue these. Developing real interests can promote a positive sense of self, self-esteem, body image and they can make new friends along the way. While social media is a great communication channel, it shouldn’t substitute for real-life interactions and relationships. Encourage your child to see that it’s how you feel about yourself that really determines the quality of your life. and that if a new upload didn’t get the response they were hoping for, that’s OK, if they were happy with it, that is all that matters. Remind them that they are much more than an online persona and encourage them to remember, embrace and celebrate all that they are.

Stay away from social media if they are not in good form

Young people indicate that social media can lead them to compare themselves to others, which may result in them feeling bad about themselves. The risk of this occurring appears to increase if they are not feeling good. Mention this to your child and encourage them to consider other activities which might be helpful to engage in rather than spending time online or on social media if they are feeling down.

Encourage your child to consider the activities and people that make them feel good and what might help if they were in a low mood. Talk to your child about ‘ups and downs’ and let them know that everyone has times when they don’t feel great even though they don’t tend to post these on social media.

You will find additional information on challenging media messaging in the ‘Improving Body Image’ section for young people here which you could review and encourage your child to review. You will find a list of useful supports for young people in navigating life’s ups and downs here.

Helpful tips on screen time for parents of younger children

Supervised access: Younger children should use their devices in plain sight in communal family areas. You can start to give children more independence as your confidence grows in their ability to use the internet and social media safely and to stick to screen time limits.

Know what they’re viewing: Be aware of the games your children are playing online and of the content they are accessing. Even games which are targeted at children can have very unhealthy messages around shape and appearance which can be damaging to self esteem and body image.

Moderation is key: Enforce screen time limits to ensure balanced family time. This is not always easy! Dealing with screen battles is a common challenge in many households. Giving children a 5 minute warning that screen time is nearly over can be helpful. With younger children it may also be helpful to join them and connect for a minute – show an interest in something they are watching and remind them it’s time to turn the screen off. If they resist, just acknowledge that ‘I know it’s exciting but it’s time to finish’ and hold the limit. Over time they will come to accept these limits.

Be honest: Discuss the dangers and any concerns you have about social media and internet use honestly with your children. Let your children know that although there are lots of fun and interesting things online, sometimes scary images or videos can get mixed in. YouTube videos for children can easily segue into more adult content so keep an eye when they’re online. Encourage them to let you know if they see something online that they don’t like so that you can prevent this happening again. Let them know also that anyone can post online so even ‘factual’ video content might not be real. This is an important step in promoting media literacy.

Device curfew: All devices should be removed at a certain time. Deciding on these limits before your child starts to use social media is easier as it is more difficult to introduce these limits later after a child has become accustomed to unlimited access. It is however still possible. Talk to your child about the reasons for limiting screen time, having a device curfew or imposing supervised access.

Keep the lines of communication open: Talk to your children about appropriate language online – using the internet in a positive way and encourage them to speak to you if they are receiving negative comments or pressure online. It is important to let them know that they should only accept friend requests from people they know and that if they receive friend requests or messages from people they don’t know that it is important to tell you.

The following link contains 6 ideas for conversations with your child on internet use - click here.

You will find additional useful links below.

SETTING UP PARENTS GROUPS/ SCHOOL SUPPORTS

Talk to other parents: Meet with other parents of your child’s peers to discuss suitable limits for social media use or smart phone/device use. The digital age of consent for social media is 16. Many parents feel pressure to allow their children to use social media earlier as ‘all their friends are on it’ and parents are concerned that their child may be bullied or feel excluded if they are not online. Talk to other parents – you may find they share your concerns and that you can stand together in setting limits around social media and/or device access.

School Policies: Talk to the Principal and management team at your child’s school or the school parent’s association to discuss the school policy around phone and social media use. You could suggest or request a talk on internet safety or a parent’s talk from Bodywhys in your local area on promoting positive body image and use this as an opportunity to discuss the option of rallying together as parents to agree on age limits around social media use or phone/device usage.

Useful Resources + links:

💻 Website: Cyber Safe Ireland. For general information on safe internet use.

💻 Website: Advice for parent on dealing with Cyberbullying

💻 Website: Be Safe Online. This web page provides access to a wide range of Online Safety resources, to support online safety for all. It has a section for parents/guardians and also a section for children and young people.

🎧 Podcast: Click here to listen to Dr. Charlotte Markey discuss what parents can do if they are concerned about their child’s social media use

📰 Article: The following article describes why many young people are making the choice to delete social media.

📰 Article: Anne McCormack: 7 Steps to keep your child safe online – click here.

💻 Website: The digital age of consent in Ireland is 16. To read more about what this means - click here.

💻 Website: You will find more information for parents on ensuring safe internet and social media use here.

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