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What can parents do?

DO:

✅ DO reflect on your own attitudes to food and weight and be a positive role model.

✅ DO encourage your child to listen to their body, to rest when needed and eat when hungry.

✅ DO emphasise that how we look is only one part of who we are.

✅ DO focus on the things that your child's body can do rather than how it looks.

✅ DO praise your child for their talents and positive attributes.

✅ DO encourage your child to find activities they love.

✅ DO emphasise that healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes.

✅ DO (if mentioning healthy eating) focus on balance and eating a range of foods and remember that food is something to be enjoyed.

✅ DO think about how you see your child's body- and how you might inadvertently influence how they feel about it.

✅ DO consider how you talk to your child in general and try to ensure you are supportive rather than critical.

✅ DO allow your child to be who they are. to choose their own clothes and find their own ‘likes’.

DON’T:

❎ DON’T talk about dieting in front of children.

❎ DON’T pass comment on people's bodies in front of children.

❎ DON’T promote ‘No Sugar’, ‘Clean Eating’ or any diet approach that results in guilt around food.

❎ DON’T encourage excessive exercise. Emphasise the importance of rest days and listening to what our body needs.

❎ DON’T focus on beauty. Be sure to emphasise the value of personality traits and qualities over appearance.

❎ DON’T compare your child to others.

❎ DON’T endorse media beauty ideals by complimenting body shapes we see in the media.

❎ DON’T label foods as “good” vs. “bad”.

❎ DON’T make comparisons between body types.

❎ DON’T be overly critical of your child in general e.g. how they do things, what they do or what they wear. Allow them to be themselves, to find their own likes and to make mistakes along the way.

Be a positive role model

Try to refrain from talking about dieting, expressing guilt over eating certain foods or body concerns in front of children. When talking about food it is better to focus on health rather than weight or appearance and to promote balance rather than extremes. Explain to children that healthy foods help to make our bodies strong, prevent illness and give us energy but that it’s good to have treats sometimes too as part of a balanced diet.

Likewise, exercise helps our bodies to stay strong and healthy and gives us energy but rest and relaxation are also important. Encourage your child to get involved in some physical activity they enjoy and help them to appreciate and enjoy their body for what it can do rather than how it looks.

Reflect on your own attitudes to weight and body shape. When we tune in to how we speak about bodies, including our own, other people’s or images we see in the media, we may be surprised to discover how we talk about this topic. Reflecting on our attitudes and noticing how these may affect our children can be an important step in changing these behaviours.

Shift the value from appearance to attributes

Messages from the media often emphasise appearance and present very narrow ideals. Young people mention feeling pressure to look like the images they see and describe the muscular ideal they see in the media for men and slim ideal they see for women.

It is important for parents to teach children that body image is only one part of who we are. We can do this by shifting the focus from appearance to the ‘whole’ person in any conversations we have in the presence of our children. If we talk frequently about appearance, judge people by how they look, compliment people on weight or appearance or express dissatisfaction with our own bodies, children may learn that beauty, appearance and weight are important.

If, however, we talk about qualities we admire in others (including those in the media) such as kindness, honesty, good fun, a good listener etc. children learn that these are the qualities that are valued in people and that personality and how we treat people are what is important.

Be aware of how you speak about your own and other people’s bodies and resist making negative comments or jokes about someone’s appearance in front of children. Be conscious of any positive comments you make about bodies or body shapes also to ensure you do not inadvertently endorse media ideals.

Encourage your child to recognise and celebrate their strengths

If your child is not feeling good about how they look, it may be difficult for them to see anything positive about themselves. Remind them that the qualities we admire in other people often have little to do with how they look. Encourage them to reflect on their own strengths, achievements and positive qualities. Perhaps they could consider the qualities, skills and achievements that others compliment in them.

A constructive way to encourage this is to give them a stylish notebook to make note of any comments, compliments or praise that makes them feel good; a thank you from a friend for being kind, praise for work well done, a compliment for their style. Encourage them to write the different compliments they receive in their private notebook. Recording positive feedback in this way may help to build their confidence and their sense of self as a ‘whole’ person. A glance through their notebook on a difficult day might help to lift their mood. You could also get them a cherish box for memories or nice things from friends.

Encourage your child to be who they are

Encourage your child to explore who they are and enable them to build a strong sense of self. A sense of self is defined as the way a person thinks about and views his or her traits, beliefs, and purpose within the world. In a nutshell, a strong sense of self may be defined by knowing your own goals, values and ideals. Encourage your child to give their opinions at home during conversations and to begin to form opinions of their own.

Simple things like allowing your child to develop their own style of clothes or hair, which way they want to arrange their bedroom and to talk to you about things that are important to them while respecting that they have their own viewpoint (which may not always agree with yours) can be an important cornerstone in developing a strong sense of self. This may make them less susceptible to media messaging and pressure to look or dress a certain way.

ENCOURAGE CHILDREN TO FIND THEIR OWN ‘LIKES’

Encourage your child to find their own spark. Notice what they are innately good at, interested in or excited by, activities which they become lost in ‘the flow’ of.

Pursuing activities they enjoy, which capture their attention and make them feel good, can enhance self-esteem. Allow your child the time to pursue these activities instead of overloading them or pressuring them into extracurricular activities which may not interest them.

Ask them what they love to do and give them space to do it, whether that is writing stories, sport, art, Lego, caring for animals, playing or listening to music. Taking a step back and allowing children to find their own interests can be a valuable step for them in developing a strong sense of self, positive body image and good self-esteem.

Likewise, encourage your child to reflect on activities they engage in with friends and whether they are genuinely interested in these. If they are only pursuing an activity in order to fit in with friends, spending time and effort in this area may leave them feeling deflated and/or deter them from finding their own interests.

Encourage children to appreciate their bodies and treat them well

Encourage your child to listen to their body, to tune into how they are feeling and what feels good for them. We are bombarded with messages from the media telling us how we ‘should’ look alongside suggestions about how we can achieve this. There is an ever-growing trend towards extremes in exercise and diet which are rigid and move us away from listening to our bodies. Apps to monitor the number of steps we do or how many calories we consume can encourage us to become more consumed with how our body looks rather than how it feels and what it can do. As a parent, it is important that you support your child in taking the path back to looking after their body and connecting with what it needs.

Encouraging children to listen to their bodies 

⭕ Encourage your child to check in with themselves and describe what is going on in their body, to tune into their breath, their heartbeat, whether they feel hot or cold, tired or alert and to notice what feels good for their body.

⭕ Allow children to stop eating when they are full, to learn to listen to their body. Avoid demanding or praising a clean plate as this can prevent children from honouring their innate fullness signals.

⭕ Get children more involved at meal times e.g. give them some choice around what is being cooked for dinner, involve them in preparing food. 

⭕ Encourage conversations around how food feels in our bodies and what effects it can have on us e.g. food X gives me lots of energy, sometimes when I eat lots of food Y I get a sugar rush followed by a sugar crash or bad mood.

⭕ Do not classify foods as being either ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

⭕ Talk about bodies and body acceptance with children and emphasise that healthy bodies come in different shapes and sizes.

⭕ Avoid talking about numbers (e.g. calories, kilograms, kilometres, minutes) in relation to food or exercise as this can prevent children (and adults!) from tuning in to bodily signals.

⭕ Avoid rewarding children with food. Try to find alternative reward systems e.g. praise, an extra bedtime story, playing their favourite game.

For more information on listening to our bodies and treating them well click here.

Avoid comparisons

Do not compare your child to their siblings or others and discourage them from comparing themselves to others whether online or in real life, to celebrities or media images, friends or siblings. Teach your child that there is nobody else like them and that it is important to pursue goals which really resonate with them, rather than striving to emulate or compete with others.

Encourage self-compassion

Encourage your child to treat themselves with kindness and to drop the quest for perfection in all aspects of their lives. As people we tend to be much harder on ourselves than on others. Encourage your child to show themselves the same kindness they would extend to a friend. If you notice them berating themselves for something they have done which they are not happy with, encourage them to step back and consider if they would treat a friend in that way if they made a similar error. Encourage them to contemplate the importance of mistakes for learning and to try to talk to themselves with kindness and be a ‘best friend’ to themselves. Guide them to see that although we all have negative thinking, making an effort to replace harsh thinking with a supportive voice is likely to lead to a better outcome and to increased confidence.

Promoting self-esteem in children

Self-esteem has been found to be linked to the development of poor body image and eating disorders. It is important that parents do their best to help children build their self-confidence and self-esteem from a young age. You might find some of the tips below for building self-esteem helpful:

• Accept your child unconditionally. Even if their interests or personality differ from your own, let them know that they are enough and that you accept them as they are.

• Encourage them to explore their different areas of interest and try new things and to figure certain things out on their own. This allows children to develop new skills and to problem-solve.

• Express interest in their pastimes, ask questions and listen to your child when they talk to you about their interests, concerns or worries. This communicates to them that what they have to say is important and valuable.

• Spend one-to-one time with your child e.g. going for a walk, talking before bedtime, playing together and give them space to talk about what is going on in their life.

• Help your child to identify their strengths and celebrate them.

• Avoid comparing your child to other family members or friends. Appreciate them for who they are as an individual.

• Give praise when it’s due - children can detect insincere praise or false compliments. If they are unsuccessful in a particular task, praise their effort, progress and attitude i.e. the way they do something rather than the result. 

• Give your child minor responsibilities, such as age-appropriate household chores. This can help to develop their sense of competency and thus build self-esteem.

• Help your child to learn that nobody is perfect and that although it is important for us to try our best, it’s also important to remember we are human and we should not put pressure on ourselves to be perfect.

• Set a good example – model positive self-talk and celebrate your own efforts and progress. You will find additional information on promoting self-compassion in children below.

• Avoid being critical or over involved in commenting on the way your child does things, what they do or wear. Allow your child to be who they are, to develop their own likes and to make mistakes along the way.

Useful Resources + links: for promoting positive body image in children

Bodywhys webinar series:

The webinar below was recorded on 24th November 2020. This webinar focuses on practical ways to promote positive body image in a child or young person who is in recovery from an eating disorder.

🎧 Podcast: Listen to registered dietitians Heather Mangieri and Amy Reed discuss the topic of body image in boys - click here.

🎧 Podcast: Dr Zali Jager & Taryn Brumfitt. A series of 6 x podcasts: 1. Key messages to help kids Embrace their bodies, 2. How do we talk about bodies and body image, 3. Celebrating Diversity, 4. Being Kind to Ourselves, 5. Focus on Functionality, 6. Social Media and Real Role Models - click here

🎧 Podcast: Listen to Dr. Charlotte Markey discuss what parents can do if they are concerned about their child’s social media use - click here.

💻 Website: Promoting self compassion in children and teens - click here

🎥 YouTube: This video contains a reading of the book Listening to my Body by Gabi Garcia, a useful resource for teaching children to tune in to their body’s internal signals - click here.

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